Friday, June 23, 2006

Sardar Special

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:

• puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
• gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
• sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
• tries to drown a fish in water.
• thinks socialism means partying.
• trips over a cordless phone.
• takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
• At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts
"Sagittarius.".
• studies for a blood test and fails.
• sells the car for gas money.
• misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
• drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and
goes home.
• gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor

Pappu NVssss

DISCLAIMER:: The character PAPPU is a virtual character and does-not resembles with any identity, neither any feelings of anyone should be attached with it.ANSHUL GUPTA.

The teacher asks Little Pappu "Which body part goes to heaven first?"
Little Pappu replies "The feet miss"
So the teacher says "Why the feet?" And Little Pappu says "Because when I go in my mummys bedroom at night she has her legs in the air shouting 'Oh my God I'm coming'"

> > > Little Pappu once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?." > The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?" > Pappu replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs."
> > *****************************************************>

Little Pappu's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting> into tears. > Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong. > "Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!" > ******************************************************> >

Pappu goes to the doctor to have some tests... there after his sugar test....due to the shortage of cotton to wipe the blood, the nurse takes his finger in her mouth,
Pappu says to the nurse....." urine test is coming> up next"!!!

> > > 6 yrs Pappu caught in rape case. In court Lawyer( while holding boy penis):"ur honour, see little boy, can he rape someone?" Boy to lawyer:"Itna na hila, nahin toh case haar jayenge!!"> > >

Little Pappu returns from school and says he got an> F in arithmetic.> "Why?" asks the father.> "The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.> "But that's right!"> "Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'> "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.> "That's what I said!" .....> > > >

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Pappu passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her> rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" > Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a> man on top of her. > Little Pappu ran into his room, took off his> clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"> > > > >

Little Chinki was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Chinki, who created the universe?"> > When Chinki didn't stir, little Pappu, a boy seated> in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her> in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted Chinki and the> teacher said, "Very good" and Chinki fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Chinki, "Who is our> Lord and Saviour," But, Chinki didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Pappu came to the rescue> and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted Chinki and the teacher said, "very good," and Chinki fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Chinki a third question. "What> did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third> child?" And again, Pappu jabbed her with the pin.> This time Chinki jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"> > >

Teacher arrives at the classroom and finds a drawing of a little dick on the board> She simply erases it and starts her class as if> nothing´s happened. Next day a bigger dick is on the board when she arrives and she does the same as on the previous> day.> On the third day a very big dick is on the board and under it´s written: The more you rub it the bigger it grows... > > > >

The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class the following question, " What is bright red and shiny?"> Little Pappu jumped up and shouted, " A fire engine> !!!!???"> "No! No!" said the teacher," But I like the way you> think..> Anyone else?"> Little Chinki replied that it was an apple and the> teacher was happy except> Pappu of course..> Anyway, Little Pappu asked the teacher if he can> ask a question to which> she nodded OK. " What is long, hard, rounded and has> hair at one end? "> "Pappu!!!" she screamed, "WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT TALK HERE..." Pappu replied, " No, it's a toothbrush, but I like> the way you think"..> > > > >

Little Pappu was sitting in class doing math> problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.. "Pappu, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with> your gun, how many would be left ?"> "None.", replied Pappu. "'cause the rest would fly> away."> "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I> like the way you are> thinking."> Little Pappu said, "I have a question for you now.> If there were three> women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking> her cone, the second> biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone,> which one is married ?> Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one> sucking the cone?"> "No," said Little Pappu, "the one with the wedding> ring on her finger. But> I like the way you are thinking..> > > > >

Late one night, little Pappu woke up to the some> loud noises coming from> his parents' bedroom. He got out of bed and walked> down the hall towards> his parents room. Before he made it to the end of> the hall, the noises had> ceased and the bathroom light had gone on..> Little Pappu walked into the bathroom and saw his> father removing a used> condom..> "Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little Pappu> His father looked around nervously wondering what he> could tell his son..> I, um, I'm just checking out the bathroom for mice."> replied his father..> Pappu looked at his father with a gaze of confusion> and said, "Well, what> are you doing? Fucking them?"> > > >

Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence..> Pappu: Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant> 'yes'..> > > >

Confused Little Pappu comes home from school with a> note from his teacher,> indicating that "Pappu seems to be having some> difficulty with the> differences between boys and girls, and would his> mother, "please sit down> and have a talk with johnny about this."> So Pappu's mother takes him quietly, by the hand,> upstairs to her bedroom,> and closes the door..> - first, Pappu, you take off my blouse....> so unbuttons her blouse and takes it off..> - ok, now take off my skirt....> and he takes off her skirt..> - now take off my bra....> which he does..> - and now, Pappu, please take off my panties..> and when Pappu finishes removing those, she says,> "Pappu, PLEASE don't> wear any of my clothes to school any more!"> > > >

Little Pappu came running into the house and asked,> "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said> his mom, "of course not."> Little Pappu then ran back outside and his mom> heard him yell to his> friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"> > > >

Little Pappu, on a day when he was being> particularly reckless, was> playing in the backyard one morning.> Soon, some honeybees started swirling around,> annoying little Johnny.> He began stomping on them in his temper.> His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and> after a brief moment of> thought said, "That's it! No honey for you for one> month!"> Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon some> butterflies, and soon> started catching them and crushing them under his> feet.> His father again caught him, and after a brief> moment of thought, said, "No> butter for you for one month!" Early that evening,> Johnny's mother was> cooking and saw some cockroaches on the kitchen> floor.> She began stomping on them one by one until all the> cockroaches were dead.> Johnny's mother looked up to find Johnny and his> father standing there> watching her. To which Johnny said, "Are you going> to tell her, daddy, or> do you want me to?"> > > >

A guy's walking down the street and sees Dirty> Pappu smoking a cigarette.> He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke."> Pappu looks up and doesn't say anything.> The guy says, "How old are you?"> Pappu says, "Six."> The guy says, "Six? When did you start smoking?"> Pappu says, "Right after the first time I got> laid."> The guy says, "Right after the first time you got> laid? When was that?"> Pappu says, "I don't remember. I was drunk."> > > >

One day a 5th grade class was taking a field trip> but the weather was extremely bad and the trip was> to be delayed and they had to stay in a hotel for> the night.> So Little Pappu was sleeping in the same room as> his teacher.> In the middle of the night the teacher woke up and> was frightened by the sight of Pappu standing right> over her.> He asked if he could sleep with her cause he> couldn't sleep.> She said okay, then Pappu asked to lay a little> closer and she said okay.> Then he asked if he could put his finger in her> belly button...and she said> "NO". "But my mommy lets me do it when I can't sleep> and it helps."> So the teacher says “okay fine, do whatever your mom> lets you do."> A few minutes later the teacher says "OH...that’s> not my bellybutton."> And Pappu says, "That’s not my finger either."> > > > > >

Pappu Rocksssss

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water? PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!! TEACHER : What are you talking about? PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O ! *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America. PAPPU : Here it is! TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS : PAPPU! *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"? PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER : No, that's wrong PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it! *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I". PAPPU : I is... TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am." PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?" PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time." *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?" PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?" *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? FATHER : No. Why do you ask that? PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then? *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots ! PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
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TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ? PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ? PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog ! -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? PAPPU: A teacher ...
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Ways girls turn romantic guys down !!!

HE: I'm a photographer i've been looking for a face like yours! SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon .i've been looking for a face like yours!!!

HE: Hi!didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice? SHE: Must've been once.i never make the same mistake twice!!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? SHE: No,i'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must've been given your share!!!

HE: Is it hot in here or is it just you? SHE: It's hot!!!

HE: I'd go to the ends of the world for you! SHE: Okay,but would you stay there?

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday? SHE: Sorry! i'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy SHE: Why,are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me? SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Shall we go and see a film? SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate which brought us together? SHE: Nah,it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: You know I can't seem to get your face out of my mind. SHE: Wow really, I have a similar problem I cant seem to get you out of my face!!!

HE: When I look at your face, I can't hold my self down.. SHE: And when I look at your face I can't seem to keep my food down!

HE: You know when they made u they must have broken the mold. SHE: Yeah and when they were making you must have leaked out of your mold!!

HE: Roses are red, Violets are blue, could there be anyone as beautiful as you? SHE: Roses are red, Violets are blue, i'm sure there's no-one as ugly as you!

HE: Do you have a phone number I can reach you on? She: Sorry, telephones are against my religion!!!

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before? SHE: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty? SHE: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

HE: I'd like to call you. What's your number? SHE: It's in the phone book. HE: But I don't know your name. SHE: That's in the phone book too.

HE: Hey, baby, what's your sign? SHE: Do not Enter

HE: I know how to please a woman. SHE: Then please leave me alone.

HE: I want to give myself to you. SHE: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

HE: I hope you didn't hurt yourself when fell to earth from heaven. SHE: No, but it looks like you landed on your face!

Best of EHSAAN QURAISI

Ek din, main Delhi pahuncha, Station pe ek coolie se bahar jane ka rasta pooncha. Coolie ne kaha: "Bahar jaake poocho."

Maine khud hi rasta dhundh liya, Bahar jaake taxiwale se pooncha: "Bhai saab Lal Kile ka kitna loge?" Jawab mila: "Bechna nahi hai."

Taxi chod, maine bus pakad li, Conductor se pooncha: "Ji, kya mein cigarette pi sakta hoon?" Wo gurrra kar bola: "Hargiz nahi, yaha cigarette pina mana hai." Maine kaha: "Par wo janab to pi rahe hai!" Phir se gurrrraya: "Usne mujhse pooncha nahi hai."

Lal Kile pahucha, hotel gaya. Manager se kaha: "Mujhe room chahiye, satvi manzil pe." Manager ne kaha: "Rahane ke liye ya koodne ke liye?" Room pahucha, waiter se kaha: "Ek paani ka gilas milega?" Usne jawab diya: "Nahi sahab, yahan to saare kanch ke milte hain."

Hotel se nikla, dost ke ghar jaane ke liye, Raste me ek sahab se pooncha: "Janab, ye sadak kaha ko jaati hai?" Janab hans kar bole: "Peechle bees saal se dekh rahan hoon, Yahi padi hai... kahin nahin jaati."

Dost ke ghar pahucha, to mujhe dekhte hi chownk pada, Usne poocha: "Kaise aana hua?" Ab tak to mujhe bhi aadat pad gayi thi, Maine bhi jawab diya: "Train se."

Meri aaobhagat karne ke liye dost ne apni biwi se kaha: "Areeee sunti ho... mera dost pehli baar ghar aaya hai, Uuse kuch taja taja khilao." Sunte hi bhabhiji ne ghar ki sari khidkiya aur darwaje khol diye. Kaha: "Taji hawa kha lijiye."

Dost ne phir se baday pyar se biwi se kaha: "Areeee sunti ho, inhe jara apna chalis saal purana aachar to dikhana." Bhabiji ek baatli me rakha aachar le aayi. Maine bhi apnapan dikhate hue bhabiji se kaha: "Bhabhiji, aachar sirf dikhayengi, chakhayengi nahi?" Bhabiji ne taak jawab diya: "Yuhi agar sab ko chakhati To aachar chalis saal purana kaise hota?"

Thodi der baad dekha, bhabiji apne potey ko sula rah thi, Saath me lori bhi ga rahi thi: "Diploma so ja, diploma so ja." Lori soon mein hairan hua aur dost se poocha: "Yaar, ye diploma kya hai?" Dost ne jawab diya: "Mere grandson ka naam, Beti bambai gayi thi, diploma lene ke liye Aur saath mein ise le aayi, Isiliye hamne iska naam Diploma rakh diya." Phir maine pooncha: "Aajkal tumhari beti kya kar rahi hai?" Dost ne jawab diya: "Bambai gayi hai, degree lene ke liye

Tongue twisters....

Which witch wished which wicked wish?

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Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers?
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper
picked?

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could,
and chuck as much wood as a wood chuck would
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
I'm sure she sells seashore shells.

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A flea and a fly flew up in a flue.
Said the flea, "Let us fly!"
Said the fly, "Let us flee!"
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

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Betty Botter had some butter,
But, she said, "this butter's bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter
bitter.
But a bit of better butter that would make my batter
better.
So she bought a bit of butter,
better than her bitter butter,
And she baked it in her batter,
and the batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better
butter.

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A big black bug bit a big black bear,
made the big black bear bleed blood.

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Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.

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A bitter biting bittern Bit a better brother bittern,
And the bitter better bittern Bit the bitter biter
back.
And the bitter bittern, bitten, By the better bitten
bittern,
Said: "I'm a bitter biter bit, alack!"

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Mr. See owned a saw.
And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
Before Soar saw See,
Which made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See's saw before See sawed Soar's
seesaw,
See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw.
So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore
Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw!

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Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep.
The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed
shilly-shallied south.
These sheep shouldn't sleep in a shack;
sheep should sleep in a sack.

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Peter bought a butter,
The butter Peter bought was bitter,
So Peter Bought A better butter,
To make the bitter butter better.